Torture

They call it an Elizabethan collar, I call it torture!  My people might as well run the vacuum cleaner during a lightening storm, as those frightening activities don't even compare to this awful contraption. 

I cannot walk through a doorway without ricocheting off walls.
I feel like such a dork. 

Not only that, they keep shoving pills down my throat that make me dizzy and sleepy.  No wonder I keep running into furniture.
The raging headache is from that, not the pills.   

And I see them all snickering at me! 

Geesh...I promise I won't lick at my boo boo! 

Furthermore, if this group of humans, who all claim they adore me, dress up next Halloween with lampshades on their heads, I am hitching a ride to Lollypop Farm!