unacceptable BEEhavior

Idiot Mittens

This is Darling Daughter at age 3 wearing "idiot mittens". Doesn't she look happy?

She is happy! And so is her mother because this wonderful invention allows the mittens to be clipped to a string that runs through her coat sleeves.

This awesome gadget meant that if the mittens fell off the child, they were not lost. They merely dangled.

My questions is why are these just for mittens? Why aren't they made for other things you don't want your kids to lose?

Stud Boy recently got his braces off and was fitted with a very expensive retainer. The very first day he got it, I said to him in a stern Mom voice, "Stud Boy, don't you dare leave this expensive retainer on the lunch tray or it will get thrown away in the school cafeteria!"

Guess where the retainer went? Yep, the first day he wore them...tossed with the uneaten green beans and red jello. Ugh!

Then Stud Boy got new glasses to wear when he needed to give his eyes a rest from his contacts. Guess where the glasses went?

No, really guess!

Because frankly we are still looking all over the place for those bad boys and could use some suggestions on where they might be!

Therefore, I think that all retainers should be clipped on.












And glasses too!












Even if it is with just one clip on the idiot Stud Boy.

Time out

When my children were much younger I would occasionally use time out as punishment.

For instance, there were times when one of the twins would get physical with the other and hit or bite his sibling.

This would warrant a few minutes in time out.

We didn't own one of these cutie patootie time out chairs in our house (we would have needed four of them anyway).

Instead the time out place was the stairs.


This location was a bit out of the way, but I could still keep an eye on the little offender/biter.

There wasn't any distractions on the stairs so a toddler could calm down there for two minutes or so. (And if any of them tell you I forgot about them and left them there for longer than two minutes I will deny this... )

But I digress. The reason for this important post is the fact that my children no longer get sent to time out. They are far to old and well, frankly they don't hit or bite anymore (whew...I must be doing something right over here).

However this means the little darlings are around me 24/7 this summer.

Therefore, I have decided that maybe I do need to invest in a time out chair - FOR ME!

I have picked out this one:


I would happily sit here and calm down for as many minutes as I am old (a good rule of thumb for you users of time-outs). And since many of you know my age...that is long enough to make a dent in my book!

However, the time out chair would need to be placed here:




Far enough away from my own house that I would not be distracted!

Thursday Therapy

A really great invention:

And The Award Goes To....

Every day I am a terrific mom.

Okay, most days I do a pretty darn good job.

Actually, some days my children are out of their pajamas, dressed, and have been fed a hot meal.

The truth is, we have only been to the Emergency Room once this month...so that's something!


However there are days when I look like this:


One of these decades I hope to win this: (click on the link)
http://news.cnnbcvideo.com/?nid=6enNWPTdiEt56MzirZvr_DE1NDE2NDI2&referred_by=18011402-jA5M36x&p=jbj

Professional Puker

I am a vomit expert.

As the mother of four children I have had the opportunity to catch vomit in my hands many times. There have been countless days and nights when I had to hold hair back, clean out bowls, wipe mouths, wash sheets, wash walls, wash floors, wash doors, wash couches...you get the picture.

And if other people's vomit wasn't enough, then my own personal experience of vomiting makes me a "professional puker". I barfed so frequently throughout my pregnancy with Darling Daughter that I carried around a plastic pumpkin to puke in. My husband would take me out to eat and I would barely make it to the car before I lost dinner in the parking lot. While pregnant with the twins, I was diagnosed with hyperemisis and needed IV's and dark, cave like rooms...but lets not even go there.

BUT, lets talk about the really important kind of vomit: WORD VOMIT

According to Urban Dictionary, which is usually a reliable source, the definition for WORD VOMIT is:

* A point in a conversation where you say something that you really didn't mean to.

Urban Dictionary missed the mark a bit!

According to me, a Professional Puker, the definition for WORD VOMIT is:

*Spewing forth the ugly truth even if it is messy, foul, sometimes with tears, and just plain unattractive...but keeping it in, well you'll just feel nauseous all the time...

So I say, let it out!

I'll hold your hair back!