You'll Shoot BOTH Your Eyes Out!

It's official:  I am no longer a "Helicopter Parent"! 

It could be said (although one might argue that I was just being a really, really, really good mom) that I may have hovered too closely over my children whether they needed me or not. There may have been an occasion, or twelve, where I may have tried to resolve their problems.  And I may have, once or twice, tried to stop them from coming to harm by keeping them out of dangerous situations.  For instance, the day I tackled the kid opening an ice-cream sandwich within 50 feet of my milk allergic child.  Or when I grounded the twins, for three years, when they looked at an airsoft gun while at a friends house to play.

But, the truth is, I have changed my 'copter ways!  Really.

And here is the proof: 

The Science Social Studies Fair happens every year at the local elementary school.  Traditionally I made strongly encouraged my children to participate in this event.  In addition, I always did most helped with the project.

However this year my children chose to participate and didn't even need to be coerced!  This year the twins decided what they were going to do.  Normally I have the final decision input on the project but this year it was entirely up to them...and they chose....

SIEGE WEAPONS.

Yes that said the word "weapons".  And frankly, that is all the proof you need that I am no longer a "helicopter parent".  But wait, there is more...

In order for the boys to make their project they used...

POWER TOOLS.

Hold your applause...because there is more....

I did NOT even supervise the use of the wood shop activities or I would have insisted on safety glasses!

Okay, so maybe I went from helicopter parent to slacker mom who will have child protective services at the door any minute...but my point is this: the boys got to make siege weapons and work with power tools and then fling shit that can blind you stuff across the yard and even in the school cafeteria.

I am ready for the Mom of the Year Award Award now.

  

Catapalt

 

 Trebuchet

Jesus is the Reason for the Season

Yesterday I stopped at my sister's house and she handed me a Sibley's box that belonged to my mother.  In it was a smaller Present Company box with "treasures" in them. My mother saved some very interesting items that bring back a flood of memories.  I sat at my sister's house and carefully opened one of these tiny boxes yesterday and saw a cardboard heart pin I made over 40 years ago with red construction paper, small white beads and scotch tape holding the safety pin backing.  It was in pristine condition which is pretty amazing since I am certain my mother wore it every Valentine's Day for 40 years! In addition, in the yellowed box there was a ceramic pin that said "Jesus is the Reason for the Season".  In my entire life I don't ever recall seeing this before, but it got me to thinking of another treasure I hold very dear.  One that I will take down soon and put away for next season.  It is my Creche that belonged to my Grandmother. When she passed away I was given her Nativity Scene and every year I look forward to getting it out of the attic and setting it up.  It is exactly the same one my own Mother owned and would get out every year to celebrate the Holiday!  My mother would set it up on the table at the bottom of the stairs. Each morning during the Christmas season I would come downstairs and it was the first thing I would see.  My father made the Manger and in it he put a small light.  It always looked so warm and inviting and begged for me to play with it like it was a doll house.  So I did!  Every morning I would move the animals around so they could get a better look at baby Jesus and have the Three Kings peak inside the windows.  When I would come home from school later in the day I would see that my mother had "righted" all the nativity players only to have her youngest daughter rearrange them the next morning.  She never said anything, nor did I.  It was our tradition.

My own Nativity Scene is set on a beautiful library table in our living room.  I set it up every year and relish unwrapping the tissue paper to discover which figure is wrapped inside. I carefully set it up just like my Mom used to set up hers.  Mary, Joseph and the baby Jesus get nestled inside the Manger and a few small animals as well.  On one side I place the shepherds and on the other, the Three Kings; a few more animals here and there and the angel on top.  All the animals and people in their "places".  It looks like this:

In some homes, families don't place baby Jesus in the Manger until Christmas morning, but growing up he was always a part of of our Nativity all season.  In addition, some scenes don't place the Maji until a week after Christmas. 

In our home there is a lot of activity in and around the Creche all month.  It is, after all, the reason for the season!

Everyone needs to get a good look!

Sometimes it's important to have Jedi's amongst Jesus and his people.

One of the Wise Men is keeping an eye on Yoda and Luke Skywalker!

and when you have teenagers in the house...

My Mom, who comes for Christmas breakfast every year,

never flinches when she see's my Nativity scene.

Seriously!  Doesn't everybody have a NY Giants Gnome and T-Rex as part of their Manger?

Go Giants Jesus!

Friends, Family and Followers - Happy New Year!

Last night, while ringing in the new year with wonderful friends, we crowded around the kitchen island and considered the newsletters that some incredible families send each year with their Christmas cards.  I am thrilled when I get one of those missives and read with earnest about the straight A report cards and activities that "Johnny and Susie" excel at throughout the year. I decided that it was time to start a new tradition in our home.  I would take an opportunity to write one of those newsletters on my blog each New Year and reflect on my wonderful family.  This way all of my family, friends and followers (all 14 of you) could ooh and aah about my amazing children, talented spouse and of course, perfect me! 

Grab a coffee, or something stronger and here goes:

Dear Friends, Family and Followers,

I hope this past year has given you and your family as much joy, happiness, and peace that has been bestowed on ours!  As I reflect on the last year I am reminded of the incredible blessing of having four amazing children.

Our pride and joy, Stud Boy, started college this fall and is doing a fine job of sucking the financial life right out of our family!  The staggering cost of over $600 for books for just one semester is mind boggling.  The good news is that the boy barely needed any clothing for school this year since his dorm room averaged about 95 degrees for three months straight.  In addition, he and his friends could always find an ABC (anything but clothing) party at a nearby college like MIT.  However, even though clothing at college didn't seem necessary this fall, Stud Boy still managed to bring an entire duffel bag of dirty laundry home on the plane.  He knows I just love doing laundry. What a thoughtful young man!  It would be nice to say we are enjoying him being home for a few weeks, but frankly we haven't seen much of him since college has turned Stud Boy into a nocturnal animal.  He meanders downstairs from his cave in the late afternoon and doesn't return to bed until after 3 am.  But we know he's here though, the dishes he leaves on coffee tables, couches, and any other surface is all the evidence we need. 

Darling Daughter is in the 8th grade this year and I had an opportunity to meet with her teachers during conference time to learn about her strong math skills, creative writing, artistic talents and perfection of the eye rolling!  She is very active in sports, music and drama...all kinds of drama!  She has enjoyed her birthday gift of Face Book and only managed to crash our computer twice since July. We couldn't be more proud!  Darling Daughter has also caught the eye of the opposite sex and we have thoroughly enjoyed having repeated talks about dating!  I can see the pure enjoyment in those rolling eyes as I lecture her about what is allowed and not allowed!  This mother/daughter bonding time has been precious.  The highlight of her year was when the dentist office dedicated a room in her honor.  Countless caps, and a root canal meant we were there sometimes twice a week for much of our summer and fall. She had decided she would like to be a dentist when she grows up!  Please help me remind her of that when she changes her mind and wants to move to NYC to "make it" on Broadway.

Thing One and Thing Two have similar lives so I will lump them together in "their paragraph" and tell you how much we are enjoying their incredibly close twinship!  They have perfected bickering and much of my day is listening to, "no I didn't", "yes you did", "no I didn't", "yes you did".  In fact, as I type this letter about my perfect children I can hear their angelic voices in the background; "stop it!", "I'm not doing it" "stop kicking me"....   It has , however, made punishing them simpler as I no longer ask who left the ABC (here it stands for already been chewed) gum wedged between the bookcase and the wall.  They haven't yet perfected eye rolling like their bigger sister but are incredibly good at finger pointing.  But I won't be swayed, I simply blame both of them and lecture them on just how gross they are!  In fact, teeth brushing and showering is something they don't deem necessary so I love to nag them about it daily.  Nagging is so much fun, thanks boys!  Thing One and Thing Two had a great time at football this fall and they are tearing up the basketball courts this season.    They are real super stars in all the sports they participate in and we don't even have to get the equipment out of storage, it's always just strewn about our yard and if they are lucky, Daddy didn't run in over with the riding lawn mower this year.  Soon they will rock it out on the baseball fields pitching and catching for the Major Leagues hopefully with gloves that aren't ripped to shreds.

Hubby has perfected a sport of his own this year: Hondahitting.   I suppose it could be likened to skeet shooting where you try and hit a moving target.  Only instead of clay pigeons with a gun, he hits moving animals (small and large) with his car!  It's been a banner year with dents, cracks and missing bumpers as his trophy's.  Clearly all the practice of driving over baseballs, gloves, and even shoes left outside on the lawn with the riding mower has improved his game and meant tremendous success for hitting deer and other small animals on the open road.  Congratulations Honey!

As for myself, after running 9 races including a couple of half marathons, I ran out of steam as well as motivation.  In fact, even the blogs have suffered.  I would like to blame Alec Baldwin and say it's because I am addicted to Word With Friends, but the truth is that is a relatively new obsession and I have just been, well, busy.  Busy with life and with laundry.  And since I am now officially OLD I am moving much, much slower than in the past.  In fact not only is it my speed that is affected buy my eye sight as well!  I am now a wearer of reading glasses and own a half dozen dollar store glasses that I wear on my head, tucked into my shirt and scattered about my house on night tables and counter tops but still can't seem to find them anywhere when I want to read!  Therefore, yesterday I took Darling Daughter with me to pick out bi-focals and in a week I can sport those every day.  Nifty!  Pushing 50, gray hair that needs constant touch ups, bi-focals, and acne!  Yay!  Okay, the acne is under control thanks to a terrific dermatologist, but the bitch doctor did say it was probably due to hormonal changes that my acne was flaring up.  "Hormonal Changes" is code, by the way, for you are entering menopause.  Yippee!  I am so looking forward to the night sweats and hot flashes in 2012.

Last night my family and I watched Dick Clark in amazement as his wrinkle-free face and sprayed on tan welcomed in the New Year.  He looks exactly the same as he did on American Bandstand and if you had a large room full of loud people, like we did, and couldn't hear him speak you'd think nothing has changed in all these years for this icon.  We watched in awe (and horror) and I decided  right then that I'd rather have a year full of dirty dishes, bickering kids, teenage girl drama, gray hair and failing eyesight then have everything remain the same.  Variety is the spice of life and here we like it hot and spicy!

Happy New Year and best wishes for a healthy, happy and spicy 2012.

BASIC MATH

Thing Two got $20 dollars from the tooth fairy last Monday night (and no, Mom hadn't been drinking wine before bed!)

However, right now it happens to be wine-thirty while Mom is blogging, so let's take a minute and consider this graph about the cost of raising a child from birth to age 18.

And for those of you who know me well, you know that math just isn't my thing.  However, even I can read this chart and know those are some big numbers.  OMG! and I have how many kids?  It's very clear that the cost of raising a child is increasing (evident by the angry red line going up like the giant hill on one of my workouts.)

So it doesn't really make sense (or in this case: cents) when CNN reports that the Tooth Fairy is pinching penny's in this sagging economy.  The survey found that the going rate for a single tooth has seen a 40-cent decline this year: from $3.00 to $2.60!

Because, at our home the tooth fairy is going broke! 

It used to be that in our country farm house, in the dead of night (or at least shortly after 8 pm),  the tooth fairy left $2.00 per tooth.  This seemed like a reasonable reward for a lost tooth, since it was plenty for a child of 10 years of age to be excited about and yet it wasn't enough to break the bank.  Then, for some reason that is a little foggy right now, the old Gal with the silvery wings left two bills and a gold Sacajawea coin.  This began the reign of the "two bills and one gold coin tradition" that seemed harmless at the time until the evenings when a tooth fell out unexpectedly and the search was on for the frantic Fairy to find a dollar coin in the couch cushions, car ash trays and even Stud Boy's wallet.

Why then, in this economy, is Thing Two holding a crisp $20 from the tooth fairy?

Here is why...

But wait!  There's more...

So if you are counting gaping holes...that's six!

So let's do the math, Mommy style:

6 teeth in 5 treasure boxes divided by 45 minutes in a dentists chair, as multiple tears stream down the face of a very brave 10 year old = equals the amount of money this mother would pay to relieve the pain and suffering of her youngest child!  While the answer is 10 million dollars or more, the "Tooth Fairy" settled on $3.00 x 6 teeth = $18.00 rounded up to $20.00 + a Wendy's Frosty, a ton of sympathy and great big hugs!

All the graph's, charts, and surveys cannot begin to convey the true cost of a child because it just doesn't even matter.  You see, having children makes me the richest person in the world.

Trick or Treat Smell My Feet...

Halloween used to rock! I loved, loved, loved making costumes and dressing up my kids for the school parades and then going to parties and dragging them out on a chilly and rainy night, trick or treating until they whined that they were cold and tired of walking and just wanted to go home. 

Gone are those days when I could dress them in whatever I wanted, like a sweet princess type dress on Darling Daughter, or matching costumes on Thing One and Thing Two.  Gone are the school Halloween parades, even.   WTH?

Then there was Stud Boy and his darn food allergies which made Halloween tricky, but it also meant we could legitimately eat all his candy!  We just had to pay him a nickle a piece.  But now that the kids are older, this favorite Holiday of mine has lost a whole lot of it's appeal.  Rats!

I remember the years I spent weeks and weeks making costumes for Thing One and Thing Two dressing them up as Captain Hook and Peter Pan.   They were so freakin' cute!  Really adorable! And the year that Darling Daughter was excited about putting on a dress to be a tooth fairy and Stud Boy was psyched to be a Pokemon card.  I was able to craft and sew into the wee hours of the night before Halloween until my fingers were numb. Now, however, I need to beg my children to even dress up.  I need to pull out all the bins of costumes and coax them into at least consider wearing something.  "I will make you anything you want to be" I promise.  Only to be met with, "Do we even have to dress up, Mom".  WTH?  Ummmm yes kiddies, if  you want candy you need to dress up.  Alarmingly they replied, "Not really sure we even want to trick or treat this year, Mom".  WHAT?  No candy?  No mini Kit Kat bars, or Dum Dums?  No miniature Milk Duds for me to sneak from Halloween bags and have stick to my molars as I try and scarf them down while my kids aren't looking.  NO WAY!  I didn't birth four kids to be cheated out of Halloween before it's time.  And frankly, it's not time!  So pick a costume and get out there and don't come back until you find me a Mallo Cup! Just saying...

This year my Darling Daughter is 13 years old and it's all about the Slutbagwhore (as I like to call it) costume for girls of any age, really.  I caved in and agreed to some inappropriate skirt, however she had to wear leggings on under it and a turtle neck under the low cut tank top.  Man does Mom ever take the fun out of the teenage years!

Thing One and Thing Two wanted to be the "Bandanna Brothers".  What?  I don't know what that means and I wasn't terribly impressed with their creativity and of course I wanted to make entire costumes out of bandanna's for them or convince them to be pirates or robots or super heroes,  but basically I think they just wanted to look all "gangsta like".  So again, I caved and got some bandanna's and they tied them on to appease me and called it a "costume".  Ugh.

However, this year, since Stud Boy was in Boston having a nifty reaction to a piece of candy and Darling Daughter was inviting some boy to trick or treat with us as she attempted her "sexy" costume and the boys settled on some lamo last minute, "I guess we have to wear something" costume.  I decided I wouldn't hinge my Halloween Happiness on any of them and dress up myself.  So dress up I did!

Wearing the wedding dress I was saving for Darling Daughter that she declared, "I'm sorry Mom, but that is hideous" - I rocked out the Zombie Bride look for Halloween this year.  Unfortunately, there wasn't a Mallo Cup in sight.

Bikes Schmikes

The rest of the world might be eking out the last few days of summer like weather, but along with the stores, my son has moved right past summer, past Halloween and even Thanksgiving too.

His thoughts are on Christmas and here is his list (so far):

Doesn't every 10 year old boy want one of these instead of say, legos?

 

Or one of these, instead of maybe a bike?

And while other 5th graders may want a playstation game or xbox, mine wants one of these...

And seriously, I may put a "well-trained Monkey" on my list too, I assume it does dishes!

 

I think that you will find this style will replace the "flat-hat" popular style now that just looks "gangsta" to me anyway.  I will let Santa know this is a big thumbs up.

And this is just an obsession of my 10 year old.  He is looking to be the next yo-yo champion of the world and has perfected a number of tricks far beyond "walking the dog".  I just wish he would walk the dog.

 

I don't think I need to worry that these gift ideas will be flying off the Toys R Us shelves so I will enjoy some of fall before I get started on my shopping.

En plein air

Thing One wants to be an artist when he grows up.  I get this, totally!  I did too.  In fact, I remember my Aunt Marge giving me books on painting and beautiful art supplies when I was a child.  I majored in art in high school and while I never did become an "artist", I still enjoy painting every now and again.  Instead of using the crayola paints in the little pots, I have begun to let my 10 year old use my "good paints" and I took my budding artist out Saturday evening to paint.  The French expression is en plein air which means "in the open air" and describes the act of painting outdoors. There really is nothing like it.

So we packed up our acrylic paints and our brushes along with paper towels and cups for water and off we went in search of a location.  Fortunately for us, within a few miles of our house is a spot Monet would be jealous of.  Every year a local farmer plants a fabulous crop of sunflowers.  This field was in full bloom a few weeks ago and I wanted very much to take my kids there to photograph them in it, but of course they balked at the idea.  However, my little artist was willing to paint it along with me and much to our surprise another painter was already there.  He was working in oils and began at 5 AM he told me, putting on his first layer of paint.  My little partner and I only had about an hour before the sun would set.  The young man who was working on the glorious, large oil painting had a wonderful easel that he told us his mother bought him when he was 11.  Guess what Thing One has added to his Christmas list?

As we set up our spot on the field's edge, me on the ground and Thing One at his easel (aka music stand), the sky began to get very moody as Hurricane Irene moved up the east coast. My partner only saw blue sky though and my sky kept changing it's mind on what color it would end up to be.

Our fellow plein air artist stopped to chat with us and we learned that he was from Indiana and currently a medical student at the U of R.  Painting, he said, was a hobby.

I think Thing One has learned that he doesn't have to limit his career choice to just being an artist, last week after we went to a carnival, he told me he thought he might like to be a clown when he grows up.

I hope he considers medical school as well!

Easel schmeasel.. my lap works just fine.

Settled on some pink in the sky.

Thing One's summer paintings.